Worlds of Wet Cardboard
by Urist McAuthor
Summary: Not nearly enough room here for a full summary. It has too many crossovers to count. It has a inversion of a Mary Sue, a true Mary Sue, and several cameos by infamous works both professional and fan-made. Read, Relax, and Review.
1. 1: In which there is much exposition

If you are reading this, hoping to find a simple fan-fiction, leave now. You will not find it here. Assuming I find time to finish this story, assuming this manuscript makes it home, I assure you this will be no pleasurable read. The things I'm writing now are a true story, in as much sense as that phrase has ever been used.

I am a Mary Sue, although that phrase is far more feminine than I would have liked. We aren't simply a term; we're a people, a people with extraordinary abilities, impossibly good looks, and perfection of personality unique to whomever we're focusing on at the moment. We are perfection, and in this way we destroy whatever we touch. We are distilled water, pure, uncorrupted, toxic. We bleed universes dry wherever we walk, and we have to watch as millions, billions, sometimes trillions of people perish in catastrophe.

My name isn't important, but for the sake of my own safety and yours, you can call me Gary. Know this: if you see me, if you hear of me, if you so much as find a hair you might _think_ belongs to me in your cafeteria food, don't run. It won't do you any good. Call your family. Tell them goodbye. Tell them you love them. By the time I'm in your universe, it's already over.

I'm well aware that I sound like a ineffectual supervillian ranting about his phony power. I wish that was true. If you've ever read Twilight, you've seen what a Mary Sue can do to a story. Hijack it, make it her own so thourughly that the story begins and ends with her veery heartbeat. I'm just like every other Mary Sue, but I'm trying to do something about it. I'm trying to fix things, drive my own species extinct. When I'm done, I expect I'll kill myself, or relax forever in some pre-made wasteland devoted to me, somewhere where no-one'll be hurt.

So please. Stop reading this fan-fiction. Stop laughing like I'm joking, because I'm not.

And please, please, don't make more. You are the authors, the gods, tho only beings with power over us. Don't waste it away.

Please.


	2. 2: In which the plot comes unglued

Fear is a funny thing. You always are capable of fear, even if you're the son of posidon, standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean. I felt fear. I felt a lot of fear. You try staring a manticore in the face on a windy, cloudy night in Maine in front of your demi-god love intrest while simultaneously trying to keep two children alive. The fact that Nico was spouting playing card information was just the tip of the iceberg.

I had no idea where Thalia was. Probably somewhere else, doing something useful to humanity as a whole. Not very comforting, but there it was.

"Will you shut up?" blurted the Manticore. Nico clapped his mouth shut halfway through listing the "Special Attack" rating Mythomagic had happened to give the monster.

"The General?" I stalled, fervently hoping Thalia would show up soon. Preferably with something big, round, and/or heavy. Like a mace. Or a shield. Or-

CLANG. The metallic noise rang through the night like a church bell as the manticore toppled to the side, dazed. Thalia glanced up at me and smiled.

"Hey, the kids advice worked!" She said happily.

Annabeth made a face. "What kid? There was another kid?"

"Yeah, he was right over…" She waved her hand vaguely behind her. Something loud and choppy could be heard in the distance, out over the cliff. It sounded like a helicopter. There was some rustling in the bushes too, but it was probably a rabbit or a deer or something.

"Listen, Thalia," Annabeth said soothingly, "Who was the kid who _gave you advice on how to take down a minotaur?_" Thalia gave her the worst look I've seen her give yet, and Annabeths unshakable confidence was shaken. Of course the sparks literally flying from her eyes helped.

"I don't know. Didn't ask him."

"You didn't ask him his name? Thalia, what if there are other half-bloods here?"

"That's what we're here to do." I chimed in dully.

"Hey, he said sneak, and I snuck. What's wrong with that?"

"Maybe it was another monster who wanted Mr. Thorn dead?" said Nico from the sidelines.

"Probably! Nico's smart. It could've been a… A friendly monster." It was a pitiful defense. There weren't any friendly monsters. Uless you count Cyclopes, but even then some aren't too friendly. Like Polythemus.

"Whatever. I just want to go back to camp." Annabeth sighed, resigned. I agreed with her, somewhat. It was annoying that Thalia was so distracted during battle, but understandable. We all got that way, made a stupid mistake in hindsight. He years as a silent tree probably didn't advance her social skills either, so she may not have even realized that normal people didn't realize Thorn was a manticore. Still a little dumb, though.

Regardless, we made it back to the car with Nico and Bianca in tow and on the way back to New York we explained the situation to them. Nico was overjoyed, though Bianca looked as though she understood what "Dangerous monsters trying to eat you for dinner" meant. All in all, a peaceful ride home.

Exactly the way it was meant to be.


End file.
